Take time to read...
It’s
been a month (exactly a month) and I feel like a year has passed already. And
up until now, I cry…whenever I remember you and your promises; wonder what
happened; how easy for you to just throw away everything; think about the what
if’s and what not’s; wonder what you’re up to at the moment; and miss you….just
really miss you.
We
were so damn perfect. We were happy. But maybe I was the only one who viewed our
relationship as such because I’m pretty sure that I was the only one in the relationship. I doubt that you
ever did love me. No, I’m sure that
you didn't. No matter how many times I try to deny it, it’s the truth. I’ve
looked at it from a hundred or a thousand different perspectives already. And
you know what I am? A rebound. A stupid girl who thought that you could be the
one and was even worth fighting for.
No
matter how much I try to put on a strong and happy and cheerful mask to hide
all the sadness that’s been building up for the past month, it just crumbles
down whenever a memory of you surges through my head or when Paper Hearts by Tori Kelly plays from my
iPod Touch. Every now and then I start to cry like a little girl who lost her
favourite toy. Maybe I am that little girl who lost my favourite toy because I
lost my first true and serious love who turned out to be not so true…on his
part.
I
miss your friends. I regret not having a chance to hang out with such a fun
group and it saddens me that I won’t ever have that chance. But most especially, I
miss you. I miss you a lot to the point that I remember you in everything I do.
I miss you to the point that I want to tell you everything that has happened to
my life after you left because you were the person that listens to every happy
or depressing story I have to tell. I miss how happy I was and how happy we were.
But I
need to move on and I swear, I really am doing my best. It’s really hard so don’t
expect a lot to happen after a month. Whenever I cry, I let it all out and
remember how much of an arse you are. An arse for making me believe that you
loved me. An arse for making me feel like crap in the most horrifying way. An
arse for everything that you did. An arse for showing me that right now, you
are at your happiest while I am at my darkest. An arse for destroying me.
I
will move on because you are not worth my tears and sadness. I will move on
because I need to be happy again. I will move on… I just need time.
P.S. It's funny and sad how this is after my blog post entitled, "7 Things to Expect When You're in a Serious Relationship" which was about you and it clearly shows how in love I was with you..
P.P.S. It's funnier that you ended things the day after I posted that blog post
