Scarlett's Way: How to Move On

Love... It's stupid, right? When things started to feel okay or alright, it all crumbled down right before your eyes. And that man or woman you love so deeply just walked out without even bothering to fight for this thing called "love". Without even bothering to fight for you. Without even bothering to fight for that "us".
So, what do you do now?
Oh, wait. That's right. You move on.

(c) huffpost.com

You'll need a list of things before we get started.
Here's what I suggest:

✓ Hobbies
✓ Friends
✓ Alcohol
✓ Cellphone
✓ Empty room
✓ Laptop
✓ Paper and pen
✓ Prayer book / Rosary / Altar / Anything from your religion
✓ Self-determination (We can't start without this!!)


Okay, let's start...

1. Cry

I'm serious. You just cry it all out and there is absolutely nothing wrong about it -- even if you're a man. The first few days won't be easy. You'll cry a lot of times per day. You'll cry when you're just sitting in class while listening to a professor. You'll cry when you're in a mall. You'll cry whenever a memory of him/her surges through your head. You'll cry while listening to a song that makes you remember. You'll cry whenever you're in bed right before you sleep. You'll cry when you look at pictures or messages.

You will cry a lot and those tears won't be forever. Day by day, the times that you cry will lessen until you'll stop crying at all and the only thing left is that pain you'll feel in your heart. Don't be afraid to shed those tears. It is not a sign of weakness.

2. Delete old photos and messages

When you feel that it's time and you're very much determined to move on...It's time to delete old messages and photos. You don't have to do it all at once. You can start with some photos or some messages and the time will come when you'll have to delete all of it.

These photos and messages will only make things harder for you to move on. You'll continue to view photos and read messages and you'll remember all the good things and blah blah blah. So, delete it. It's for your own good.

3. Stop stalking him/her

Oh trust me, it's not good for you. If you keep checking his/her Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, you'll continue to have this attachment and it's not gonna stop the pain you feel in your heart. It's gonna make things worse. Whenever you see whatever or however he/she is doing, you'll start to feel the pain growing within. And the process of moving on is going to slow down.

Stop stalking him/her! Unfollow if you must. And don't even think about asking about him/her through your mutual friends. Just. Don't.

4. Surround yourself with friends

One of the reasons why you have friends is that they'll be there when you are at your lowest. If they're not, then they're not true friends! Your friends will help you get distracted. They'll be there to accompany you in doing random things like shout at the top of a building or play in the arcade the whole day. Friends will say a lot of inspirational quotes like "There are many fishes in the sea" or "When one door closes, another opens." And you'll feel relieved that you have weird friends like them to help you cope.

True friends will also be there to amplify your feelings or will be the first ones to notice the little things. They'll be the ones who are angry and shouting at the person and would even make up plans to hurt him/her. They'll be the one to remember that the song affects you. They'll be the one to notice that someone mentioned your ex's name. Whenever someone mentions his/her name, they'll look at you and expect that you're going to cry. But they're your true friends. They mean no harm.

5. Drink

Yes, I am really suggesting this but please, don't drink too much that you'll turn yourself into an alcoholic. Drink for the first few weeks. Drink 2-3 bottles per week only and remember to have someone sober with you to take you home if you're too drunk to drive or even walk.

Drinking is a natural ineffective coping mechanism of a person. People will understand if you drink when a problem comes, just as long as it'll gradually stop and you'll find your own way to deal with shit. Alcohol is not a permanent solution!

6. Distract yourself through hobbies

Another way to distract yourself is to get a hobby. You can continue your old hobby or go and try a new one. You can get a guitar and make music (because seriously, who doesn't love music?). You can try and mix songs. You can try sketching or painting. You can go get your laptop and start typing poems or stories. You can even collect weird items just so you can forget.

Hobbies will help you realize that there are fun things to do that just sulk around all day in hopes that he/she will come back even though you're sure that they won't. I'm not being cold, but it's the reality. Hobbies can also be your outlet whenever you need to release negative vibes within you.

7. Pray

You may not be religious or you don't believe in God, but it wouldn't hurt to try. Go to an isolated or empty room and take with you a rosary or prayer book or whatever religious/sacred thing you know. Stay in that room and start to pray, even in your head. But sometimes talking really helps.

Praying helps clear your mind and sometimes you may start to cry. For me, that's God's way to help you release the pain you've been keeping inside. After praying, you'll feel lighter and you'll start to think clearly. You may or may not realize that maybe God has a different plan for you and that he/she isn't for you and that you have to wait a little longer. Maybe God made you undergo through this because He wants you to learn from this and make you stronger or even become a better person for that future man/woman that you're destined to be with.

8. List down advantages

Go get a paper and pen and write down the advantages of being single. No disadvantages because it'll only lead to negativity. Sometimes, we're too hurt to realize that there may be advantages of what is happening. What if you were too blind to realize that you've been hurting and you just love him/her too much to let go? What if you didn't realize that you've been crying a lot recently? What if you weren't happy anymore?

Isn't it great to realize that maybe things happened so that you could be happy again? That maybe you could find love again?


Forget about what I said awhile ago about love being stupid. It's not. You'll only say that love is stupid and you've given up on love when your heart is breaking into bits. But when it is completely healed, you will find someone. And although you're scared, you will take that risk again because in your heart, you know that it's worth it.

If it doesn't work out, maybe you just chose the wrong person. Maybe he/she's not "Mr/Ms. Right" yet.

(Please bear in mind that what I have listed are my opinions only. It's up to you if you're gonna give it a try or what)

To the Guy Who Inspired Me for Four Months and Left...

Take time to read...

It’s been a month (exactly a month) and I feel like a year has passed already. And up until now, I cry…whenever I remember you and your promises; wonder what happened; how easy for you to just throw away everything; think about the what if’s and what not’s; wonder what you’re up to at the moment; and miss you….just really miss you.

We were so damn perfect. We were happy. But maybe I was the only one who viewed our relationship as such because I’m pretty sure that I was the only one in the relationship. I doubt that you ever did love me. No, I’m sure that you didn't. No matter how many times I try to deny it, it’s the truth. I’ve looked at it from a hundred or a thousand different perspectives already. And you know what I am? A rebound. A stupid girl who thought that you could be the one and was even worth fighting for.

No matter how much I try to put on a strong and happy and cheerful mask to hide all the sadness that’s been building up for the past month, it just crumbles down whenever a memory of you surges through my head or when Paper Hearts by Tori Kelly plays from my iPod Touch. Every now and then I start to cry like a little girl who lost her favourite toy. Maybe I am that little girl who lost my favourite toy because I lost my first true and serious love who turned out to be not so true…on his part.

I miss your friends. I regret not having a chance to hang out with such a fun group and it saddens me that I won’t ever have that chance. But most especially, I miss you. I miss you a lot to the point that I remember you in everything I do. I miss you to the point that I want to tell you everything that has happened to my life after you left because you were the person that listens to every happy or depressing story I have to tell. I miss how happy I was and how happy we were.

But I need to move on and I swear, I really am doing my best. It’s really hard so don’t expect a lot to happen after a month. Whenever I cry, I let it all out and remember how much of an arse you are. An arse for making me believe that you loved me. An arse for making me feel like crap in the most horrifying way. An arse for everything that you did. An arse for showing me that right now, you are at your happiest while I am at my darkest. An arse for destroying me.

I will move on because you are not worth my tears and sadness. I will move on because I need to be happy again. I will move on… I just need time.

P.S. It's funny and sad how this is after my blog post entitled, "7 Things to Expect When You're in a Serious Relationship" which was about you and it clearly shows how in love I was with you..

P.P.S. It's funnier that you ended things the day after I posted that blog post

A Letter from Scarlett ("Paasa")

Dear Special Someone,

I do not have any other way to open up my terribly sad feelings. Telling my best friend isn't enough (but she has made me feel better in a way no one can). And telling you is completely impossible. My life was complicated even before you came...but everything changed when I met you and fell for you. It made my life more complicated and difficult. So instead of telling you whatever there is to tell, I'm gonna write it here...knowing that you can never read it.

It started with a simple crush. But later on, there are moments when your hand will find mine and intertwine. I felt a spark. An instant feeling that my stomach was filled with butterflies. I ignored it, thought that maybe it was just a small "something". But it happened no matter what. I tried to avoid you. But there's like magnet between us. But maybe it just happened to me. One-sided sparks, I guess. Then..I know deep in my heart that I like you. A lot. Even thought there's too much pain alongside this feeling.

I'm being the exact definition of a "martyr in love." Or in my case... in like. I'm not in love with you. I am not gonna be stupid enough to be in love with a person who won't love me back.

It's been eight months. And I've done everything to not like you and not expect from you. But even after you've broken up with that girl, or even after I've had a crush on different guys (hoping to move on from you), the magnet is still there. Our hands will always intertwine. Our hands will always be sweet with each other. But I guess our supposed-to-be love story only applies to our hands. And I guess that magnet applies to our hands.

I did my best to comfort you when the girl broke up with you. And you look fine now. Of course, there will always be moments that you get to ask questions regarding her or you'll feel sad, but that's it. You're still fine. We hung out one time and watched a movie the next time. We held hands in the theater. I don't know how it happened, but you took my hand and we stayed like that. I thought it'll end there. But no. We held hands, even outside the theater.

After that, we talked. It's the first time we talked about all this. It's been eight months, and we just talk about this now. My best friend told you to not do anything that will get my hopes up. But I guess those words didn't sink into your thick skin. You still got my hopes up. I thought that there's still "something" between us. But no, you said, "I'm not getting your hopes up." But the hell does that mean? You hold my hand and you tell me to not expect anything? Isn't that a little stupid? So I asked you, "If you're not getting my hopes up, then what are you doing?" Your answer was the best... "I'm being nice."

That was nice? Really? Wow, so all of my guy friends aren't? My two guy best friends doesn't even hold my hand. Are you fucking crazy?

What you said was also kind of funny, "Don't expect." You lost your right to say that to me whenever you hold my hand.

We ended our conversation there. Because I have nothing more to say. I don't like to talk about it further because it is useless. Nothing can get past that thick skull of yours. I left you then and there and you ran after me. When you called, you only asked where I was going and was expecting a good bye.

I am not angry. I am merely pissed, sad, and broken. Thank you for everything. Now I know that I can't trust your "niceness".

Sincerely,

Stranger from another block