Dear Special Someone,
I do not have any other way to open up my terribly sad feelings. Telling my best friend isn't enough (but she has made me feel better in a way no one can). And telling you is completely impossible. My life was complicated even before you came...but everything changed when I met you and fell for you. It made my life more complicated and difficult. So instead of telling you whatever there is to tell, I'm gonna write it here...knowing that you can never read it.
It started with a simple crush. But later on, there are moments when your hand will find mine and intertwine. I felt a spark. An instant feeling that my stomach was filled with butterflies. I ignored it, thought that maybe it was just a small "something". But it happened no matter what. I tried to avoid you. But there's like magnet between us. But maybe it just happened to me. One-sided sparks, I guess. Then..I know deep in my heart that I like you. A lot. Even thought there's too much pain alongside this feeling.
I'm being the exact definition of a "martyr in love." Or in my case... in like. I'm not in love with you. I am not gonna be stupid enough to be in love with a person who won't love me back.
It's been eight months. And I've done everything to not like you and not expect from you. But even after you've broken up with that girl, or even after I've had a crush on different guys (hoping to move on from you), the magnet is still there. Our hands will always intertwine. Our hands will always be sweet with each other. But I guess our supposed-to-be love story only applies to our hands. And I guess that magnet applies to our hands.
I did my best to comfort you when the girl broke up with you. And you look fine now. Of course, there will always be moments that you get to ask questions regarding her or you'll feel sad, but that's it. You're still fine. We hung out one time and watched a movie the next time. We held hands in the theater. I don't know how it happened, but you took my hand and we stayed like that. I thought it'll end there. But no. We held hands, even outside the theater.
After that, we talked. It's the first time we talked about all this. It's been eight months, and we just talk about this now. My best friend told you to not do anything that will get my hopes up. But I guess those words didn't sink into your thick skin. You still got my hopes up. I thought that there's still "something" between us. But no, you said, "I'm not getting your hopes up." But the hell does that mean? You hold my hand and you tell me to not expect anything? Isn't that a little stupid? So I asked you, "If you're not getting my hopes up, then what are you doing?" Your answer was the best... "I'm being nice."
That was nice? Really? Wow, so all of my guy friends aren't? My two guy best friends doesn't even hold my hand. Are you fucking crazy?
What you said was also kind of funny, "Don't expect." You lost your right to say that to me whenever you hold my hand.
We ended our conversation there. Because I have nothing more to say. I don't like to talk about it further because it is useless. Nothing can get past that thick skull of yours. I left you then and there and you ran after me. When you called, you only asked where I was going and was expecting a good bye.
I am not angry. I am merely pissed, sad, and broken. Thank you for everything. Now I know that I can't trust your "niceness".
Sincerely,
Stranger from another block
No comments:
Post a Comment